"A mother's love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever."
Today my heart is filled with gratitude for the sacred honor of being a mother to two amazing sons, who continue to inspire and teach me how to grow in love. I am grateful to all the women in my life who have nurtured and guided me with loving care~mother, aunts, teachers, mentors, friends~what a blessing to receive the nurturing touch of maternal love.
I used to say, when my sons were young, "children ought to come with a manual." Many of us enter into motherhood with not the slightest clue what we are doing. It's the single most important job we will ever have, and one for which there is no training. Except on-the-job-training. If we are fortunate we had helpful role models, if not, we muddle along doing the best we can with what we know.
If I could go back now and talk to my younger-mom-self, I would encourage her to relax and lighten up, to enjoy the journey, rather than try so hard to 'get it right.' I would take her hand, look into her eyes, and say this:
Please don't spend so much time and energy on the 'logistics' of parenthood, on providing healthy food, a clean home, the right kind of toys, schooling, extracurricular activities...or, God knows, dispensing 'helpful advice'. Just revel in the awesome wonder of who your children are as unique beings. Make sure when they look into your eyes they see love and joy mirrored back to them. And focus on what brings you joy, so that when they are in your presence, that is what they feel.
Erich Fromm says it best, in The Art of Loving:
"Affirmation of the child's life has two aspects; one is the care and responsibility absolutely necessary for the preservation of the child's life and his growth. The other aspect goes further than mere preservation. It is the attitude which instills in the child a love for living, which gives him the feeling: it is good to be alive, it is good to be a little boy or girl, it is good to be on this earth!"
Referring to the Biblical symbol of the promised land, described as 'flowing with milk and honey', he adds: "Milk is the symbol of the first aspect of love, that of care and affirmation. Honey symbolizes the sweetness of life, the love for it and the happiness in being alive. In order to be able to give honey, a mother must not only be a 'good mother,' but a happy person."
We need to 'put the oxygen mask on ourselves first'. We need to find and connect with our source of love, joy, passion and emotional/spiritual fulfillment, so that is what our children feel and experience about life in our presence. That is what I would say to my young-mom-self...or in the immortal words of Bobby McFerrin, "Don't worry; be happy!"
In great gratitude for the sacred journey of motherhood and the infinite possibilities to share love, joy, and connection,
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